If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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