Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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