if you like me you must not know who I am
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
