We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
