Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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