I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
