Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
