just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
