Small penises have feelings too.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
