Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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