can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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