he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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