dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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