can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
