haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
