I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
