and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
