ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
