Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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