I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
