chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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