Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
