the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize