It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
