put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
