don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You ate ashes out of my bong
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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