my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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