I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
