farters have to be the big spoon...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
