You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
