After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
