Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize