I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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