dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
