it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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