K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
