He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
