Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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