Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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