Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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