i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
