So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
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I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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