therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
