Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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