Me. At least after what I've been through.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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