Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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