My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
