But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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