Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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