We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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