The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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