Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
