i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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