wakey wakey hands off snakey
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
