Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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