That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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