i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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