who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
