Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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