I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
