don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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