This house was built for laser tag.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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