Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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