i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
