i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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