That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
