i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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