I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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