After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Your penis caused this!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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