I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
