just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
