I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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