remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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